It has begun - my pre-trip anxiety. I don't sleep particularly well at the best of times anymore, but when I have a big trip looming, my insomnia is 100% in effect.
I can get all sorts of scenarios and guilt trips going on around 3:45 a.m. This morning it was all Birding Guilt.
The Christmas Bird Count (CBC) season has begun - and I could not care less. GUILT! How can I call myself a birder if I am not super enthusiastic about this very, very birdy time of year? Well, it is Winter, for one thing. Winter in Saskatchewan. We've had a lot of snow. It's cold. My area count doesn't happen until January 3 or 4 and by then, I really won't care at all.
The non-caring will be due to my leaving for Guyana on January 6th.
MORE GUILT. I haven't been very astute at studying my Guyana birds. I need to get focused. Plus I like to read up about the country before I get there; haven't done that yet either. I haven't got my clothes and things sorted out....
Oh yeah, it's Christmas time as well. This year I have flatly refused to go anywhere.
Yes, I have plenty of time for everything and I really do love to go on birding trips, but believe me, at 3:45 a.m. in the grip of a serious anxiety attack, all seems a little bleak.
I'll get my morning coffee made now and starting making lists - that always calms me down a little. I guess I AM a Lister - just not so much in the bird-watching sense.**
** A Life List and a sketchy year list is about all I can manage to keep going. One of my year-end rituals is reading over the year's list and checking off things I saw somewhere but neglected to mark down. I'm doing reasonably well with the Winter List here, only one bird not yet listed. I should do that now...